Six ruby grapefruit for £1, you say?
Add a lemon , two bags of preserving sugar, and play with the various attachments on the food processor to squeeze, strain and chop the fruit. Make as much washing-up as possible!
Pour in three pints of water and bring to the boil, simmering for at least twice as long as every recipe suggests, to reach the setting point.
Decant into warmed sterilised jars. Do this before your husband comes home and offers to remove them from the oven... by lifting the shelf out in one sweep, sending them rolling across the floor in all directions.
Remain calm and suggest he might like to read the newspaper.
Add four tablespoons of Drambuie. This is essential! Ignore all requests to "just pour it in". You might want a swig from the bottle yourself at this stage.
Refuse all offers of help to ladle marmalade into jars, unless you want to spend the next six weeks smelling burning sugar every time you turn on the hob. You do? Splendid!