Image copied from the Australian government's website. Yes, really. I was reading over my last few weeks of bloggery, and realised how incredibly shallow it all has been. SSS has provided an excuse to hide behind appearances and stitching, as if they were the focus of my world.
Actually, there has been a lot going on.
Most notably, my daughter has been having a bad time at school. Such that we are seriously considering moving her. And ironically, the simplest move is the biggest one: for her to go back to London to live with her dad. She has been here with me for 6 years... maybe it is time to share this responsibility a bit more.
So over the past few weeks, I have been preoccupied by the need to identify a "good school"... and then finding out how to get her into it. It is not enough to live in the right place: the school has to have a vacancy, OR be willing to "create" an extra space just for her. SIGH.
14 teachers left her current school over the summer, leaving a demoralised staff, who all appear to have been dragged back from retirement to fill the gaps. They rely on the same worksheets they have been using for the past twenty years. My former-bookworm daughter had lost all interest in learning because school was "boring". It was bad before the summer holidays, but it is even worse now - and this is the first year of her "exam subjects". It is very frustrating.
But worse, her "best friend" turned against her and seems to have started a whispering campaign. There has been all sorts of rubbish plastered on my daughter's Facebook "wall". Damn Facebook - it should be banned in schools! And I told her Guidance teacher this following the "F-book in the library" incident... but she did not think the school management would consider a blanket ban on the site. Why not? What possible educational purpose can it serve to have staff or pupils frittering their lives away on social networking sites during school hours?
So my Girl is bored AND lonely. Fabulous! Teenaged girls can be EVIL.
I issued my Girl with a list of 100 Best Young Adult Books, found here and started reserving them from the local library. So far, she has read 5 and has had intelligent things to say about all of them. She is reading again - phew!
Her dad was given an appointment at the First-School-of-Choice. A "5-minute appointment"! I got all excited, but it turned out to be an opportunity to check her passport and reiterate the admissions criteria... which she does not fit - great! Meantime, I had a very touching email "conversation" with The Girl. I sent her the link to the potential school's curriculum webpages, specifically for English. Her reply read as follows:
YAY cool :D Romeo and Juliet and to kill a mockingbird ;D
She DOES want to learn! And she ought to have that opportunity!
I emailed the neighbouring London borough and discovered they have a vacancy in an "up and coming" school. I am trying to ignore the fact that the space may have occurred when a girl was shot at the nearby chip shop. They have a smart new Headteacher, a sharp new uniform and after-school Japanese lessons (the Girl is obsessed by all things Japanese)! Her dad is asking around to find out if this school is a real option... or not.
So my son has left home, and it seems likely that my daughter will be heading south fairly soon. It's all change.
In London, The Girl will hopefully have the opportunity to start again in a multicultural school where "difference" is the norm and learning is not only promoted but expected. I will be at the end of the phone / email / plane journey and she might actually find me easier to talk to if I am not the one reminding her to clean her room / do her homework!
Will I be upset if / when she goes? Of course I will! But I know it is for the best. And that's what I have to tell her now. It is literally a life-changing opportunity.
When I brought the kids up North, I thought it was the best thing, that a rural life would keep them safe from all the stuff that goes on in an inner city. But actually, small towns are much much worse. Because of the insularity, the provincialism: if you don't fit in you are isolated. You would have thought I would have known this. I suppose I thought things had changed around here. Ha!
So ... "Carpe diem" strikes again! Why do I feel as if I had been slapped round the face by a wet fish?
9 comments:
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I've got a lot to learn about the UK education system. I know that at the school where my mom teaches back in FL, Facebook is not accessible, and very rightly so. I really am appalled that it is accessible at schools here! I hope that you find a school that is the right fit for her, as you are blessed to have a daughter who actually wants to learn and it is a shame that the schools are stifling that!
Oh how dreadful for you both:( I do hope things improve for you both and that you find the right school for your daughter. Sadly going into a small village/town can prove very traumatic. We did that when I was 16 went from a small sleept village to a fishing port. I was beaten up and more. This was 40+ years ago and it seems things haven't changed. You are doing the best thing for your daughter and I'm sure she will thrive in London. good luck and sending lots of positive thoughts for a speedy move for her. I wish they would close down FB, so much heartache for people
You know Roo, as someone who spent a great deal of time being bullied for being different, I sympathise with your daughter. And watching some of my hockey kids come to practice and hearing their stories, I sympathise with you are a (well, sort of a) parent.
Facebook isn't, and was never, meant for teenagers. Teens are the most cruel group of people I know, constantly testing boundaries and asserting their dominance in an attempt to try and get some control over their intensely turbulent world. Add to that a medium where anything is post-able, and you've got a (pardon my French) clusterfuck of epic proportions. Not at all constructive to any sort of end I can see.
A big, hearty BOO to the school management. And I hope you figure out what is best for your daughter.
Ugh, I am so sorry to read this. Girls are just vicious and I think it all comes down to low self esteem. Bully others so you aren't the one bullied. Our schools here actually think their anti-bullying programs are working. I think not. It's all gotten worse with the internet. You don't have to have the nerve to say something to someone's face anymore. I just know that sooner or later, Olivia is going to be betrayed by a friend and I dread it. She just asked me yesterday if she can open up her own facebook page and I think I have the answer now after reading this. Hope things improve markedly real soon.
I echo all that's been said above. I wanted also to add: Good for You to get your daughter reading again - that's no small accomplishment.
And - I disagree that your SSS blog-posts have been superficial. You were (are) being very creative, and also what you did (do) is a profound critique of the commercialised society that we live in. It's been very interesting to follow along as you've made decisions, reflected, and learned. You could say it was "just clothes" but I think it was much more than that. You've lived out your values. What better example to set for your daughter than that?
Fingers and toes tightly crossed for a good resolution to the school situation.
Schools can be terrible places can't they? So sorry to read this and really hope you get something sorted.
I was sorry to read this but sincerely hope you can find somewhere really suitable that will be an encouraging place for someone who appears to have not had a good deal at current school. When my two were young and had finished their junior schooling in private 'english speaking schools' abroad we sent them to local senior schools and came home especially so that they got a bit street-wise and yes there was some bullying but they soon coped with it and this very different life. Now extremelly well balanced and doing well with their chosen careers. Oh I do wish her well, there are still many good schools in London and I sincerely hope your daughter finds herself in one of those - good luck.
Best of luck! I'm sure you will make the right decision and find a good school. Then just a few more years of teenaged problems and then it will get better and better.
Oh Roo, I am sorry - I've been out of the loop a lot lately.
We moved to Scotland with my mum and stepdad when I was about 10. In the early 80s, just sounding English (although we were Welsh) was enough for us to stick out in the wrong way.
I didn't really have any friends and my brother got beaten up less than 100 yards from our house. It wasn't the best time and I was unhappy at enough at school when I was 13 to make the move to London, in order to go to a new school and live with my dad.
It worked out really well even though I was really homesick for about a year. I went to a great academic school and living with my dad gave me the chance to get to know him in a way that I would never have done if I had continued to live fulltime with my mum. My dad is now one of my best friends.
I hope that it all works out. Gx
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