Knitting, marmalade and more snow

It is exactly a year since I made marmalade and we had just finished the last jar. So I took advantage of the bleak weather by having a preserving day!

This year it is ruby grapefruit with tangerine and whisky. My son offered to help, which was a surprise until I realised it was an opportunity to play with all the gadgets on the food processor and have an authorised rummage through FL's spirits cupboard. Hmmm. Might be time to draw up an Assets Register.

Three grapefruit, two tangerines, a kilo of preserving sugar and a generous slug of single malt made 8 jars. That should last another year!

I made a start on a new project I am calling Sprout. The yarn is from my Woolgirl sock club of two years ago and is delicious. More about that when there is something to show.

And I have reached the striped section of Andrea's Shawl. I found a mistake in the lace section which at least proves I was paying attention.

The 16 rows of leaves were DIFFICULT! I haven't said that about a pattern for a long time. Too many "p2 tog tbl"s for my liking! This is the first time I have knitted lace which has action on the knit AND purl rows. Not at all relaxing.

Here is the whole picture. I am about to join in the lime.

Banana Cherry Lime Loaf

It’s Friday and you want to rustle up a little treat for the kids, but you haven’t been to the supermarket yet. All that’s left in the fruit bowl is a pile of stinking brown bananas and a lime. What to do? Make a Banana Cherry Lime Loaf of course!

Roobeedoo’s Banana Cherry Lime Loaf

10 oz weight of peeled bananas (about 3)
2 medium (free range organic) eggs
6 fl oz (organic) sunflower oil
6 oz light muscovado sugar
10 oz SR flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
Juice of one lime (or about 2 tbsp from a bottle)
100g dried cherries (the whole-foody sort, not the bright red glace ones – Lidl sells them, or Asda)


Whizz together in a food processor (or beat): bananas, oil, lime juice, sugar and eggs.

Add the flour / baking powder / spice in “pulse” mode (or fold in).

Finally, fold in the dried cherries. Beware chopping them too finely – the hit of a half-cherry is part of the joy of this cake!

Pour mix into a paper-lined 1lb loaf tin.

Bake at 180 for an hour.



The lime and cherries have a sweet / sourness which works well to cut the sweetness of the over-ripe banana. I cannot bear the smell of squishy bananas but I love this cake! And it is dairy-free for the kids.

I would show you a picture… but it’s gone already!

Health on Wednesday

For those of you who come here for the Myeloma news.

It is halfway through FL's week off Velcade before the next Cycle. Strictly speaking the "week off" is the third week of Cycle 5.

He has gone from constipation to diahorrea, which means less discomfort but similar tiredness. He summoned the energy to go to golf on Saturday and managed 4 holes before having to stagger back to the clubhouse for a rest. He just didn't have the strength to carry on. He then spent Sunday and Monday sleeping in his chair. On Tuesday he drove to the shop for a newspaper then fell asleep in his chair reading it. He said he found reading too tiring - which is very frustrating for him.

Then yesterday evening he asked me for a cup of tea. I went to hand it to him and in the transfer he dropped it and scalded his right wrist. We wrapped his arm in a cold wet tea towel and he took two paracetamol for the pain. Clearly he was badly shaken. I am still not clear what happened, but I think the peripheral neuropathy in his fingers has worsened and he didn't grip the mug tightly enough. I have seen this happen to a man in the hospital waiting room, but luckily that was just with a cup of cold water.

It is quite scary to see him so frail and vulnerable. It makes me wonder how near we are to him needing me at home to care for him and keep him safe. But he is very independent and would never admit to needing " a nurse". So ironic that the Myeloma is reduced, but so is his quality of life.

FO: The Modern Garden cardi revisited

Stats:

The Modern Garden cardigan by 100-rain.

Size: medium body, extra-large sleeves.

Yarn: Patons Inca from Kemps at 79p per ball. I used 8 balls.

Needles: Denise interchangeables: 10mm and Knitpro spectra acrylic dpns: also 10mm

Buttons: Red plastic from Ebay.

Modifications: I was afraid the sleeves were going to be too tight, so started them again, in the largest size. This meant I had to adjust the stitch count as I joined the sleeves to the yoke, which I did over two rows, by decreasing at the beginning and end of each sleeve piece. It worked, but my stitch count was out when I reached the neck, so I had to do a bit more fiddling.

I also messed about with the button placement to improve the fit (more below).

Would I knit it again? Not in this yarn and not in this size. I think it would look better in a denser single-ply wool, so that it might felt lightly when washed. The Inca is OK, but a bit splitty and lacking in body. However, it makes for a light yet thick garment.

The very open gauge of this pattern makes it super-stretchy, so I ought to have made it in a smaller size, and certainly should have stuck to the sleeve dimensions of the original.

The post-modern modification: I moved the lower three buttons three inches over into the main body of the garment to pull it tighter under the bust. The button-band now follows the curves of the lower leaves. A bit odd, but I think it works. Before I did this, the upper leaves sagged in a most unflattering way in a most unfortunate place.

Verdict? A wearable garment outwith the company of giggling teenagers, or other persons with an immature attitude towards female body parts. Boob-tastic!

FO: Modern Garden cardi

So I finished my Modern Garden cardi.

Hmmm.

Well, I like the red buttons against the grey. It adds to the late-1950's / early 1960's ski sweater effect.














And I like the short-row shaping at the back of the neck.

It lies really nicely across the shoulders.

All the shaping is done via the leaves until you get to this point, which is very clever.

The yarn? It's OK - nothing special, but at 79p a ball from Kemps it would be childish to complain about a wool / alpaca / acrylic mix which is fairly soft and warm.

Actually, the back view isn't too bad.

But the front...? No, really, I can't show you yet!

This project depends on negative ease for success. So why did I knit the medium size? Small, or even extra-small would have been better. Because instead of having a thick warm cardigan which clings in all the right places, I have a slightly-oversized garment with saggy leaves which look like deflated water balloons hanging from my chest.

Believe me, it is not a good look!

I have a plan. All is not lost!

I'll show you tomorrow!

Sewing plans for 2010

I was surprised at how few garments emerged from my new sewing machine last year. I was sidetracked by bags and aprons! So this year I am planning to get my machine into more regular action. I definitely need smart items for work, especially top-halves, but bought jackets always seem to have ridiculously long sleeves and wide shoulders.

I found this New Look pattern(6570) : flippy skirt, neat little jacket, wide trousers AND a simple v-neck camisole. A whole wardrobe in one pattern!

But when I looked again I realised that every item looked like it came from a Boden catalogue. Do I really want to sew Boden-rip-off garments? But I suppose I do get to choose my own fabrics, which need not be floral prints in primary colours!

And I am tempted by this Hot Patterns biker jacket (1037).

I found a black rep suiting with a fine metallic thread through it which would be fierce in this style!

Inevitably, I want to sew more wide-legged trousers from my favourite pattern (New Look 6190), and have my eye on some chocolate and tangerine pin-striped fabric. Though I would prefer chocolate and lime…

And I already have material for two or three summer dresses from Japanese patterns. Plus my organic denim for an over-dress / apron.

That lot should keep me busy!

Velcade Cycle 5... day 4

With my waiting room knitting.

This is the sleeve of my Modern Garden cardi being knitted on spectra acrylic Knitpro dpns. Terrifying prismatic surgical-looking instruments! I wish I wasn't in the habit of stabbing my needle sharply against my sternum to push the stitches along... it could be a dangerous business with these needles! Eek!

But I digress...

We saw a Doctor at the Haematology clinic today- the Italian lady. She didn't know why FL had been told to see a Doctor. He explained about the constipation / weakness / sickness/ depression which had led to the cancellation of Monday's Velcade infusion. She looked at the computer and confirmed that his 21 December FreeLite kappa/lamda ratio was down to 1.2: "practically normal". (Last week's Consultant told us not to measure the ratio but the difference between the two numbers... sigh!). She examined his abdomen - fine. No blockages.

"So... there is no reason to stop the Velcade!"she declared. FL protested. (I was so proud!) And the Doctor reiterated the revised advised procedure to aim for 8 cycles for patients showing a good response. Which we knew about from my scourings of the web. FL asked what to do about the constipation. "Eat lots of fruit and veg, drink plenty of water, and take laxatives if you miss a single poo." FL explained he was doing all that. She shrugged (very nicely, but it was still a shrug) "That is part of the treatment - you get the constipation and the peripheral neuropathy." Gee thanks! But then she added "If the peripheral neuropathy gets worse we can reduce the dose in the next cycle." So that's something I suppose...

So today FL received his final dose of Velcade for Cycle 5. They are just going to omit the dose he missed on Monday and carry on with the planned regime... to Cycle 8. 8! I am just doing my sums and that means he will have a week to recover from Cycle 8 before we go on holiday. Crikey, that's cutting it fine!

Sewing FO: My Inspiration Blankie

When the kids were away over Christmas, I "borrowed" my daughter's blanket. FL was feeling the cold so much, and getting up in the night so often, that we needed an extra layer on top of our duvet. Sadly for the girl, we still hadn't got round to returning her blankie three weeks later.

Sitting knitting one evening, I realised that the warmest garment I owned was my cartoon dress. I wore it for two weeks' solid over the holidays! And I remembered I still had some of the same black watch tartan fabric left in the stash. I dug it out, and came across two other 1.5 x 1-metre remnants of soft wool which I had bought as part of a job lot to make skirts but wasn't sure about the colours. Perfect!

It was a simple matter to cut each piece in half lengthwise, stitch the strips together in a tube, and bind top and bottom with some lovely linen chambray bias tape I bought from Namolio ( a UK seller) at Etsy.

I embellished a seam with a length of herringbone tape which is printed with the words "imagine create believe". It is my inspiration blankie!

The finished item is exactly what we needed: warm, soft, and not too weighty. And it blends so well with the landscape of where we live !

Health:

FL's GP was very kind yesterday and thinks we should be assertive with the Consultant. The GP said: "You have been so unbelieveably WELL until now!" which is absolutely true. There are not many MM patients of FL's age / stage who golf 5 days a week! And that's why it is hitting him so hard - he is suddenly being deluged with "signs of decrepitude" as he calls it, when only a couple of months ago he would have passed for a fit man in his fifties (IMO). We'll see what Thursday brings, but for now he is wrapped up in our new blanket in front of the fire trying to gather his strength.

P.S. And now the Girl has her own blanket back - just in time for the thaw!

Velcade Cycle 5 day three - postponed

FL had a bad weekend.

He was so depressed yesterday he stayed in bed all day. I managed to get him up to sit at the dinner table in the evening, but he only ate a few bites before he sank his head onto the table and I thought he was going to cry.

He had been constipated again, but took swift action so things are moving. It's not that - or at least that's only part of the trouble. He says that every bone in his body aches and he is shivering and exhausted. He was up and down all night, kicking off the duvet in a great puff of wind and slamming doors every time he went. Not at all his usual considerate self.

He rang the hospital this morning and spoke to a Doctor who has postponed his Velcade until tomorrow*, if he feels well enough. I will accompany him because the Doctor will want to talk this through.

We should have held out against the Consultant last week. We should have learned our lesson from Christmas / New Year. He has had enough of this regime.

ETA: GP appointment arranged for 5pm today.
*Hospital postponed until Thursday.

The Works in Progress: Knitting

I thought I might have a finished garment to show you this weekend, but it was not to be. My Modern Garden Cardigan was speeding along merrily until I got to the yoke. At this point, you take a break and knit the sleeves, cuff up in the round, and later join them to the main body.

But I didn't have any 10mm dpns. I tried to work the first sleeve using my Denise circulars, but negotiating a mere 17 stitches round the loop left them mis-shapen, stretched and uneven. A 17 stitch sleeve? Err... yes. I note that several other knitters have become frustrated at this point and added "extra-large" sleeves" to their otherwise "small" cardis. I am knitting the medium size and I am thinking it would be wise to grade-up the sleeves. Although I can get the 17 stitches round my upper wrist , they aren't going to go much higher.

So there will be a pause for needles to arrive in the post and for thinking time. I have a nagging worry about the open-ness of the gauge of this garment. It is supposed to be that way, but I am not sure that it is my style. As my mother would say "you could riddle corn through it". Actually, you could probably riddle potatoes through it!

To take my mind off it, and keep myself excited about knitting, I cast on Andrea's Shawl by Kirsten Kapur. I liked this pattern the moment I saw it. It is in danger of having too much going on, but I like the dense stocking stitch stripes framed by leaves and then again by a pretty delicate openwork edging. My daughter (who hates shawls) remarked on the brocade effect of the leaves, and that is just the right word I think.

I am knitting it in two Yarn Yard yarns from the stash: 281 (brown) Bonny and Probably Jane (green) Clan. There have been two days this week when I have noticed my lack of a scarf in these colours so I know I will wear it! I have just begun the outer edging, and I am only about a third of the way along that section, but I am OK with that. I enjoy stopping to admire it every time I do a pattern repeat! I am really motivated by the construction of shawls - every one seems to be slightly different and there is such a feeling of achievement when you complete one part and move on to the next.

And finally, this week's waiting room knitting - a square for the blanket. It's ready to cast off.

Another Online Supersocke 100 Sport Color - this time leftover from my Pippi Longstockings.

Velcade Cycle 5 Day Two... and a holiday plan

FL has his Velcade infusion this afternoon. He didn't receive his planned 10am infusion until 2.30pm on Monday...! Needless to say, he was a very grumpy man by the time he got away from the hospital, clutching a complaint form.

He has been speeding on Dexy's this week, getting up several times in the night (because he can't lie still) and telling me long rambling stories into the early hours when all I want to do is sleep!

But his cough has gone (hooray!) and his bowels are operating (hooray!).

We are planning a holiday for Easter. Off to the Highlands again. He wants me to climb An Teallach with him. This is a project which is way beyond either of us at our current levels of fitness, and he knows this. However, he says he will be happy just to show me the mountain. Which is just as well because I wouldn't want him to get all depressed ten metres up when we are both gasping for breath and I am begging for chocolate!

I am very excited to have found a (static) Airstream caravan like these in the area which will be available to rent for that week for the first time ever - woo hoo! The owners have just finished building their eco-house (oooh!) and are moving out of the caravan into the house. FL refuses to be impressed by style credentials, but I do enjoy the prospect of unusual holiday accommodation. I can see myself now, knitting away in the spring sunshine next to the Airstream, with amazing scenery all around!

Health and Fitness in 2010

My Christmas holidays turned out to be a time to eat less and exercise more. FL wasn’t interested in food so our Christmas pheasant lasted me almost a week (lucky it wasn’t a turkey!). And the dog required regular walks despite the snow being over the top of my wellies, so I was burning off at least twice the usual number of calories as we plunged across the fields in pursuit of elusive deer and rabbits. As a result, my work skirt waistbands are noticeably looser this week, and I am determined to keep them that way. N.B. I don't want to get thinner I just want to be fitter.

The smallest and yet most crucial change I am making is NOT to buy a full-fat latte and a KitKat on the way into the office every morning. I have made myself a Star(bucks?) Chart and every time I avoid the café, I get a Star. Each Star saves me £2.25 and a large number of pointless calories. I am making my own coffee with skimmed milk and NO accompanying chocolate treat. So far so good. At the end of the year I will reward myself with the cash that I saved, to spend on any frivolous item I choose – woo hoo!

In terms of exercise, it is so easy to sit at my desk all day fermenting. I am going for a walk every lunchtime. Shame the dog can’t come too! I have dog duties in the evening which will get easier as the nights get lighter. If he drags me through the whins in the dark one more time...!

And inevitably I bought a new dance dvd to kickstart my New Year regime! Don’t laugh too hard – it is the Clubland Workout of Your Life! I liked the earlier Clubland dvd but this one is even better. I seemed to find the moves easier to pick up and can do the first two sections without a second thought. And it is a great way to clear the room of husband, children and dog, who all hate the nnst nnst music! I don’t care for it myself either but it is good for dancing! Once the room is cleared I can get the hoovering done too – double prizes!

I don't take the gold hotpants seriously. And I was really pleased to see that two of the backing dancers have a bit more meat on them than is usually the case, though you can't tell from the cover shot. I will let you know if I keep it up!

Velcade Cycle 5, Day One

Yes, really.

FL's side effects only warrant "Grade One" on the scale of severity, and therefore do not entitle him to a reprieve. The Consultant wants to go for one, and possibly two more Cycles of Velcade / Dexamethasone (each of three weeks' duration.)

For the first time in well over a year (maybe nearer two) he was given a proper, thorough physical examination - chest, reflexes, leg strength, and most amusingly the "tickle" test to his feet and legs. Heh heh. Just as well he put on clean socks this morning.

In terms of "numbers", his Kappa chains are down to 12.7, and differ from his Lamda by only 2.5 - and this Consultant measures the difference between the two numbers, not the ratio. She wants to continue his treatment to see if he has reached a plateau or if the Myeloma can be pushed even lower.

FL is very much stressed by this decision. But he wants to trust the doctor. I DO trust this lady - she was so thorough and gentle and reassuring. She was very clear that constipation is entirely manageable and he should take action the instant he thinks he may have a problem, instead of waiting to be "bunged up" entirely. She reckons his cough is on its way out.

Meantime... still no school bus due to the snow, so FL drove the kids to school before we went to the hospital, and will pick them up tonight before collecting me from work. IMO, it is too much driving around and he is going to wear himself out, but his own car is still stuck at the house end of our track and he wants to be able to get out while I am at work.

And today he woke up with the bright idea that we should move house in the spring. Errr, right. Anyone want to buy a dilapidated farmhouse with leaky walls, windy windows, a stoat in the roof space, a pond in the bedroom when it rains, and the tendency to be cut off if it snows?! I cannot even begin to contemplate the amount of stress that a house move would bring. He doesn't seem to realise that anyone buying this place would be buying it for the land and would probably demolish the house and start again. And I don't want to move to the town where the kids are at school, thank you very much. I want to see them both through school and then I am off to somewhere equally remote but better-maintained! Lets hope this idea blows over...

Knitting in 2010

So… 2010 eh?

The mess that was my mental state across the Christmas period prevented me from doing a knitty review of 2009 or writing about my plans for 2010. But I do have some!

In 2010, I intend to knit from stash. This decision is not about saving money or the "credit crunch", but simply an acknowledgement that I have some lovely yarn which I could be knitting up if I didn’t allow myself to be distracted by shiny new things. I signed up to the Socktopus Knit Love Club, so will automatically receive new yarn every two months as a regular knitty surprise – and I will still have treats to look forward to! Contrary to what you might expect, I am really excited to be giving myself permission to use my “best wool”. I have deleted the “shops” folder from my web favourites in preparation!


My £5 mystery bags of Rowan wool from Kemps boosted my stock of “whole garment” yarn. I received 10 balls of Rowan wool tweed in a gingery colour which will make a delicious cardigan / jacket. Audrey in Unst perhaps? Something cabled?

And I have 10 balls of Cashsoft Aran: 8 in a light grey/green and 2 in a limey pistachio shade. The colours go well together and I am thinking of a slipover with a striped waistband… or else to split the yarn into hat and baby garment sized portions.


I also succumbed to 12 balls of Patons Inca, for the Modern Garden cardigan, which is already underway. More of that when it is looking more exciting!

There is no need to mention the sock yarn stash. I have plenty. Some of it is destined to be knit into shawls, which I am surprised to find myself wearing every day. My greyish “boring” Ishbel has been round my neck for the past two weeks! Why don’t I have the confidence to knit more neutral garments? So much more practical than the crazy coloured ones!

So my knitting year ahead looks something like this:

Baby gifts – a minimum of three of these are required!

Shawls: Herbivore, Andrea’s Shawl, Damson, another Ishbel, another Aestlight…

Garments: Audrey in Unst, Modern Garden, Owls, Cabled Hoodie, Staccato for my son…

Socks: too many to list! Lots of socks!

Barn-Raising Squares: will I manage one a week? I ought to keep to that goal.

And that doesn’t include the projects which sneak up on me: more hats, fingerless mitts, Christmas gift knits…!

Happy knitting in 2010!

Free at last! - and an FO

I made it to work yesterday, despite a cold morning start at minus 11 degrees! FL drove me to town and then went home to sleep in his chair. He still has an upset tummy and a racking cough.

Having to pick me up again in the evening meant he had to find the energy to walk back down the track in the snow to the car, but he managed, and was glad to be able to do it. For me, it felt good to put my desk in order, ready for next week.

We got some firewood and essential provisions and sledged them home. We are warm and well-fed - what more can we ask? It makes me realise how hard it must have been to live here before cars and electricity!

In knitting news, I have rustled up a pair of mitts for Amne, who called the ambulance for
my son on New Year's Day. I feel so bad that I slept through her frantic phone calls at 3am! A pair of mitts is just a little thing but I hope she appreciates the thought behind them. Silly boy.

Stats:

The Lace Twist Mitts from Knitscene Fall 2009.

Less than half a skein of Dream in Color Classy in "Black Parade" with oddments of Hipknits organic merino aran (pink)and Debbie Bliss Aran Tweed (teal) for the stripes and crochet trims.

3.75mm dpns.

Knit as writ, although the stripes were my own invention as I knew I didn't have enough of the DiC yarn. The crochet flower was totally improvised, to cover up a mysterious 2 stitch purled seam which I added to the second mitt because I wasn't concentrating!

A very quick, satisfying knit. I will definitely make them again.

On the up - I think

Just a quickie to say FL has been outside for the first time this year - woo hoo!

He still has a terrible cough but is breathing freely. He has been complaining about a lot of new "twinges" - particularly in his hip and lower back. He has lost muscle mass from his legs. But it is so damned cold here we are wearing thick layers of clothes 24/7 so I only realised how thin he was this morning.

I dug my car out of another snowdrift (a fresh 8 inches on the roof overnight) but we can't get out of our road end because the people from over the hill have abandoned their vehicles across it, after failing to get over said hill. But at least I feel like I could get out in a couple of days if the snow stops and a few more tractors go past to clear the way!

We are now sawing tree support stakes to burn on the fire. Trying to devise a meal out of: a tin of grapefruit, black eyed peas and rice...?! Actually it hasn't quite got to that stage, but that sounds like an interesting combination when the freezer is empty!

FO: Central Park Hoodie with Extra Lime

I have finished my Central Park Hoodie. Hooray!

Although it has come out with a more open gauge than I might have wanted, it is warm - which is just as well! I might line it with fabric to keep the wind out.

My yarn is, I think, thinner than the recommended brand, but with a very similar look. I kept to the stated needle size and it fits perfectly.

It is a well-written pattern with a very wide range of sizes. My only quibble was the lack of instruction on how to deal with the decreases on the top of the hood if you choose to continue the cable up the back. I fudged it and it is fine, but still...

If I was knitting this again I might make it a bit longer in the body and hood. I extended the sleeve ribbing to allow for thumbholes, which are just gaps in the seams.

Stats:

Central Park Hoodie from Interweave pattern downloads.

Size 36" on 4mm and 5mm Denise interchangeables.

Yarn: deeply rustic single-ply pure wool bought from Thou Art Woolly at Ebay. I pre-washed and slightly felted the skeins before I began knitting as my swatch was badly warped. This definitely fixed the yarn's problems. Thanks to my blog-friends who suggested this cure!

Odd buttons: from a mixed bag bought at Twist Fibrecraft.

Modifications: I knitted the body in a single piece and extended the length of the sleeves.

Verdict: I love it! I will wear this a lot.

Spoke too soon

So... I published yesterday's post and FL promptly slid into the depths of depression. His tummy hurt, his back hurt, he hasn't been outdoors for a week, and life was not worth living.

I had a sleepless night as I rehearsed what I might say to work to excuse myself from driving to the office.

And then this morning, we woke to the news that every school in Aberdeenshire is closed due to heavy snowfall overnight. This is unheard of! I walked the dog to the end of the track, and met our middle neighbour trudging up the hill with his puppy under his arm. He had been forced to abandon his car about a mile down the public road as he got stuck. This man is a surgeon, people! If HE has had to give up on the idea of getting to work today, then what hope for the rest of us?!

So I have emailed work and will do all I can from home by phone and internet.

And at least I know there is a qualified doctor nearby if I am desperate!

Though strangely enough FL perked up when he realised he was not going to be left home alone!

We have movement!

Never has there been such celebration for the passing of a poo! I knew a girl whose elderly labrador used to do a "lap of honour" round the garden every time she succeeded in having a bowel movement (the dog not the girl) and I think that is exactly how FL must be feeling - relief!

He was up all night. But that's fine. His colour has returned. He is eating again. He is even breathing more evenly. And so am I.

And my girl made it to her party. I literally dug the car out, and my son had to push, but I made it to the end of the track. The public road still hasn't been gritted, but luckily I didn't meet anyone and we made it to town at an exotic 20 miles an hour.

Thank you thank you thank you for all the supportive comments over the past few days. It has felt like an eternity. I will try to thank you all individually but please don't be offended if it takes me a while to get back to you.

Back to work tomorrow... if I can get the car in the opposite direction for four miles to the main road!

Another day, another year

Still snowed in. My daughter has a party to go to tomorrow so I am going to have to dig out the car and try to get it down the road.

My son was 17 today - but there wasn't much celebrating as he overdid it in town on New Year's Eve and ended up in A&E. Forever more, this will be known as the Birthday of Shame. I will spare you the details.

It didn't help that he didn't tell the taxi driver who brought him home to stop at the end of the farm road... and the poor woman couldn't get her cab back up the hill. We had to call a neighbour to bring his tractor over and tow her out.

FL's bowels are still asleep. And so is he. He has slept almost constantly for two days now, only waking to take super-power laxatives, which have yet to do their work. If he is still "stuck" tomorrow, he is going to hospital, even if we have to drag him there on a sledge.

I have been trying to bring about normality by baking bread and knitting. But it is hard.

We ran out of logs for the woodburner because FL has been burning them through the night. I had thought the delivery we had would have lasted all winter. So today my son had to learn to use the saw and cut up one of the fallen trees. We filled a basket with logs, but they take a lot of heat to ignite - they're not quite dry enough. And the snow on them doesn't help!

Did I mention I have a stinking cold?! BLEEURGH! Happy New Year anyone?!

It's my daughter I am sorry for. What a hopeless lot we are! She has been helping me with dog-walking duties.

But tomorrow I have to get her all glammed up and out to party with her friends - it is essential! She doesn't deserve all this rubbish.

So if I have a New Year's Resolution, it is definitely to give this kid a normal life this year. A bit of fun. The burden of cancer doesn't just fall on FL and I.

Sorry honey!

Velcade Cycle 4, Day Four

It was a mistake to schedule Velcade appointments for Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. Why did we ever agree to it?

FL made it to the hospital yesterday and received his infusion. But he is wiped out, totally shattered.

And his bowels have not moved for 5 days, so he isn't eating.

And he has a bad cough.

And his back hurts in a new place.

And he has lost a lot of hair.

I really see no point in going through another two months of this. Quality of life has plummetted for all of us. A slow steady decline was manageable. This is not.

Thank goodness for knitting.