When I was 40, FL got the kids to fill a room with balloons for me - that was pretty surreal! And 45 found me thoughtful and a little sad: definitely no party. 47? More of the same with extra grey hair.
|My presents - woo hoo!|
I had a haircut a few weeks ago, and the hairdresser seems to have sliced out all of the pigment. I looked in the mirror and felt... washed out. The Girl reckons I should hit the dye-pot but I am losing colour from my skin too, so kind of think I ought to accept this with grace. I don't want to look like I am trying to "cover it up". But this sudden acceleration from young to old shocks me.
I have been reading Diana Athill. "Instead of a Letter" finds her at 43 - resigned to aging and writing from a standpoint of loneliness, full of regret for opportunities lost. But then I read "Somewhere Towards the End", written when she was 89, and she is full of verve and joy and enjoyment of life. She pokes fun at her younger self. She found love in her 60's and it transformed her. I am not saying that "love is the answer"! Just... that I must not allow other people's expectations of someone my age to define me.
At 20, I was told I was too young for every job I applied for, that I must go away and get some experience and then "come back in a few years". Of course, I never did. I had to lower my expectations of finding a career in my field and seek "a job" to pay the rent. So I gave up on my dreams. I reckon that's what happens to most people.
|My cards - hee hee!|
So what lies ahead of me in my 47th year? Who knows! But I need not to become a bitter old woman. It would be so easy to slip into a state of seething resentment that things did not turn out differently. I can't turn the clock back. I have so much to be thankful for.
P.S. You want to know about my presents don't you?
From FL: An Invisible Zipper foot for my sewing machine (Aargh! Is there no escape from Invisible Zips?!) which was wrapped in many layers of paper inside a peppercorn packet inside an anchovy packet inside a biscuit box inside a shoe box :D I actually thought he had bought me a new iron - what a lovely surprise! He also got me The Marriage Plot and the latest book on Virginia Woolf :)
From The Girl: Vintage knitting needles made into bracelets :)
From Christine: Alice Starmore's book on Aran Knitting :)
Yup - spoiled rotten that's me! ; )
Now, if you'll excuse me I am off to the cinema with The Girl for a dose of Twilight!