Friday, December 11, 2015

Advent Sock Day 10

Blogging from phone and cant seem to add photos. Will edit later.  Now with pictures :)

FL was pretty much the same today as yesterday, but rather lower  in mood.  He doesn't understand why he is in hospital if they are not going to do anything to help him.
His chest is still gurgling.  His legs are slightly less swollen.  He is still in pain.  He still sleeps more than he wakes.
When I arrived he was sitting on the edge of the bed, keeling over to one side as he drifted in and out of sleep.  He thought he had had an "accident" but had not told anyone.  I alerted a nurse and he was walked unsteadily through to the toilet.  When they returned, she said there had been nothing wrong.
The man in the next bed said he thought FL had accidentally flushed before standing up and that this had upset him.
It breaks my heart to see him so unhappy.
I asked to see the doctor, and when he came he explained that they are really just providing FL with a bed while they wait for haematology to "do something".  A blood transfusion has been mentioned but there is no word of when it will happen.
There is still no room on the haematology ward for him.  I have realised that he probably no longer fits their criteria.  He is not on super-drug any more, so is not of special scientific interest.
He is to all intents and purposes just one more not-very-well confused old man among many, with no chance of dignity or personalised care.
The sign on the toilet wall says it must be checked for cleanliness every two hours.  The last signature was dated two days ago.  It is obvious they are under-staffed.
Tomorrow I intend to spend the whole day with him, if that is what it takes to ensure he is properly fed, washed and helped to the toilet when he needs to go.
Because this is what it has come to.
I want my FL back.





We'll return to sock B and knit 10 rounds. The colour of the day is determined from your favourite game. You can e.g. choose the colour of your favourite token, or pick it from a central character or element in the game.

For the life of me I could not think of a game, other than the Dr Seuss Green Eggs and Ham board game which I used to play with the kids when they were small.  Maybe I was still thinking about that soup from the other day!  I couldn't go for green again, so opted for orange.

Orange had additional meaning today because I also wore my orange Angelus Novus cardigan for the first time, to brighten up the hospital.

I hope to give it a blog post of its own one day, but for now let me just tell you that I love it :)
It is soft and warm and comfortable and the colour and shape are so striking, even without blocking.
I know it will look better after a soak and a press, but I wanted FL to see it as soon as it was finished.


Pattern:  Angelus Novus by East London Knits, Renee.

Yarn:  Wool Kitchen BFL dk in the colour "Shepard's Warning"

My cardigan is an exact copy of Ms Wool Kitchen's own test knit of this pattern.  I saw it on Instagram and had to have it.
And now I do.  Woo hoo!

29 comments:

pamela said...

I'm so sad for you. This is heartbreaking. FL deserves the best possible care. A precious human being. Lucky for him that he has you, Roo, to look out for him. I hope your day together in hospital makes both of you feel a little better. Thinking of you, and sending good hopes and wishes for some action to make him more comfortable. Is it that difficult for the staff to organise a blood transfusion? Does he need to be on a special ward for this? I absolutely sympathise about the 'scientific interest' problem. We are all unique to ourselves and the people who love us, but at times one feels that medical specialists forget this in their zest for solving new challenges.

As always, the knitting sounds stupendous. I hope the sock has a chance to grow today, and that you and FL can share some loving (and humorous?) moments.



Mary said...

Roo (if I may call you that), I've enjoyed your blog for years and commented once before I think. With my Mum and Dad, I went through very similar experiences to those you are going through with FL. There's nothing much that can help at this distance but I do feel for both of you. You seem to be doing all the right things - so just go on being brave and being you. I'm not a knitter (I sew - that's how I came across your blog) - but the Advent socks are fascinating. Wishing you courage. Mary

Lizzi said...

Ditto to what Pamela and Mary said.

Violet said...

I hope that he gets moved to a better ward soon. Please know that hundreds of people around the world are sending you both their best wishes.

agirlinwinter said...

Wishing you both strength to get through this time. I've spent a lot of time in hospital with my mum recently, so I know what a frustrating experience it can be. Thinking of you both x

Coco said...

How very sad, Roo. I think of you and FL every day, I so wish his condition could change and the sun could come out for you. You clearly care so much for one another - this tenuous dignity for him at the hands of others must be so difficult. Prayers and a hug. Coco

Laura said...

Balancing the frustration of 'this is what we need' against the sympathy of 'I know you don't have enough staff' is so hard :/ I think everyone who encounters hospitals these days has to try to pull off that trick, and it's immensely frustrating for all concerned. Hope you're able to be there today, with your new cardigan for cheering purposes. It sounds awesome, can't wait to see it!

xxx

TeaandCakes said...

I'm usually a lurker, but I wanted to let you know I'm checking for your updates everyday at the moment, and holding you both in my thoughts at the moment.

FlissFontaine said...

I'd like to exactly echo TeaandCakes - I check in every day, think of you often and hope for comfort for you both.

Sew little time said...

i'm so sad for you and FL that the fantastic entity that is the NHS isn't able to do more for him. i'm glad he has you there too. thinking of you both and much love. x

Stephen Greene said...

Ms. Roobeedoo,

I join the legion of supporters, one who thinks of you and FL every day. I am also a long term survivor and at sixty seven years, I hope for nothing more than a modicum of dignity as I weaken. You are the comfort and security FL wants now.

I pray those who love you enable you to rest a bit.

Jodie said...

I too am checking for updates through the day. When I checked this morning (its early and dark on a Friday morning for this Edmonton, Alberta teacher) I am saddened to read today's But I think you are making the right choice about staying with him for the day. My husband is older than I and has had his own health concerns (although nothing on FL and is fine now) and I felt that he did far better with an alert (and often knitting) advocate when he was in hospital. Wishing you strength and improvement in quality of life for FL. Love the sounds of the sweater - I hope that it brings you some light and joy in this dark time.

shivani said...

thinking of you both every day, and wishing you strength x

lilysgrannie said...

Thinking of you this morning and hoping your day goes well together.

christina neumann said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your FL and this situation. Its heart breaking that the hospital is so understaffed and can't be more responsive to him. My thoughts of loving kindness go out to you and him."may all beings be free of suffering"

scarlettina said...

I'm sorry things are so difficult for FL at the moment. Is the hospice still a possibility? I found their care invaluable for my Dad, as were the Macmillan nurses. They deal with these things all day long and had excellent suggestions for little changes that made huge differences to my Dad's wellbeing and comfort. I'll be thinking of you both.

Susie Hewer said...

Oh Roo, I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you and your FL. Sending you much love and supportive vibes. Susie x

Knitlass said...

Hope you both have a better day today. With best wishes.

Alimak said...

Hello! I'm a fairly new reader. I got completely sucked in going through the archives, reading your blog backward, post after post, project after project, and looking up the books you've reviewed. I really enjoy your writing. And then I checked what's new... and I would just like to send you and your FL my good thoughts and wishes in this extremely difficult time.

TempestKnits said...

Just wanted to let you know Ruth that myself and my Husband are thinking of you and FL. My Father's experience of hospital last year at this exact time of year very much mirrors FL's, I'm afraid. I wanted him out of there asap! Dad's partner was marvellous and never left his side apart from to sleep (family also did a 'shift'). We did this to let the staff know that we very much minded that Dad was cared for and treated with dignity. Oh, that it has come to this! I am sure from all I have read over the years of FL that he too like my Father is a man of great dignity, determination, intelligence and wit who deserves the very best of kindness and care. I also know from my reading of your blog that you are a wonderfully determined woman and I'm sure that you are going to make sure he gets it. Keep strong, Ruth!

Mairead Hardy said...

Thinking of you and FL and sending positive vibes that he starts to get decent care soon

Jane Neave said...

My heart goes out to you both x

Athene said...

Echo all of the above. I hope they can do more for FL than just provide a bed - I'm sure you'll be a good advocate for him.
Hoping you have a better day with him tomorrow.

colleen said...

Sending warm thoughts through the ether during this testing time for you both. I've spent some time at bedsides over the years and feel sure that FL will benefit from having you nearby to help him through the fog. Your wonderful Advent sock will hopefully keep you calmly prepared for any storms ahead.

Lorna A said...

I can only echo the sentiments of all your other blog readers. I too am checking your blog daily and we are thinking of you both.

The NHS has reached breaking point, so many patients and so few professionals.

The last time Mike was in hospital with pneumonia it was him that took care of the two very elderly gentlemen on his ward get in and out of bed, he had to take his oxygen mask off first though. :)

Janine said...

Again sending my wishes for this difficult but yet very special time. Hospitals are very difficult places. I hope you have some personal support as well to get through this.

ambermog said...

Oh Roo:(( I feel so sad that FL is not getting the care and attention that he and you deserve for him. Sending much love and strength for both of you. In my heart and thoughts xx

K.Line said...

You are a wonderful partner and I know that FL appreciates you more than he can say right now. xo

zangmo said...

Hi Roo, I don't think we have ever met.....unless it was on a knitting workshop,I have attended a few in Aberdeen and out at Oyne. I am guilty of being a lurker and not leaving comments but I thought I would let you know that I appreciate your blog and my heart goes out to what you and FL are going through. Much love thoughts to you both. Susan xx