Monday, January 25, 2016

A Day's Work

Today I did a full day's work from the bedside.
FL was in a slump when I arrived and had been left to sleep.  However, the nurses were determined to straighten him up a bit - literally and metaphorically, with clean sheets and a wash.  They asked me to leave while he protested.
Although I am willing to be his advocate in many matters, I judged that being made comfortable was worth the disturbance. I escaped to the coffee area with my laptop and carried on working.
Later on, I let him know that I had been in touch with his family to let them know his situation.
I offered to act as his scribe if there was anything he wanted to say to them.
After a long long pause for thought, he asked me to "Take a letter" which made me laugh.  Such a wonderful old-fashioned phrase!
He managed a sentence before falling asleep.
And when he woke he had reconsidered his words.
I explained that he was under no obligation to contact anyone, that I would help if he wanted to take the opportunity to say something to someone... but that it is his choice.
He nodded.
I said that I wanted him to understand that he is loved.
That I love him.
He squeezed my hand.
As I was leaving, he asked me to give him his mobile phone.
I am not sure he has the coordination to use it anymore, but I left it within reach.
In case he needs to say goodbye.




23 comments:

MaryinTN said...

Oh Roo. You are such a wonderful loving spouse. And very wise. I am so glad FL is being made as comfortable as he can be. I hope there will be love and reconciliation with those in his family. You are truly an angel.

tim's wife said...

It is sad. There are so many of us living with fractured families as we go through these terribly tough times. It seems that FL is being made as comfortable as possible. Sometimes, all we can hope for is a little mercy. God bless you both.

ambermog said...

Oh Roo, more thoughts sent your way and much love xx

Knitlass said...

Bestest wishes for you both

Athene said...

It's right that you've given him (and them) the choice - I deal with 'fractured families' as described above in my work and sadly sometimes it's left too late and leads to huge regrets. Glad you managed to get some work done, I hope your employer is being sympathetic to your needs.

Emma said...

Sending you both my love.

Sabs said...

Thinking of you both xx

twotoast said...

Absolutely heart breaking. You both have so much support via this little box that I am staring into right now, and I think of you both frequently x

Glasto63 said...

I am just constantly amazed at your skill and thoughtfulness in dealing with different issues each day. Keep strong and look after yourself. X

Stephen Greene said...

Selfishly, I must tell you that this journal of your lives, particularly with regard to how you and FL have dealt with the ravages of late stage disease, is a curiously significant help to those of us who sense the approach of a darkening sky. For me the loss of dignity, the total loss of all it has meant to be a man, false pride or not, is terrifying to contemplate.

Reading the truth is not comforting but offers a solid place from which to address the inevitable. And it inspires, or more accurately, motivates, an energetic pursuit of day light.

I have not found, despite extensive searching, an account that places one in the spot as freely, openly as does yours. You'll be moving on soon, as well you should, but I hope that you will make available your memoir of living through this time of suffering, tenderness and love. Many would find such peace in its reading, as I hope you find in the telling.

Sarahel said...

Your prose is always elegant, but the latter part of this post reads like a poem to me, and is particularly beautiful.

Glad you managed a day's work - hope that feels satisfying. And glad you were able to offer FL the means of communicating anything on his mind. It may be a hard decision for him, but at least he knows you can offer the gift of facilitating that.

I hope I am able to do as well as you when I face a similar situation.

Love and hugs

lorna brown said...

Oh my. You are incredible, inspirational and so wise. In the midst of the heartbreak your love story is beautiful. Sending you hugs and strength. Xx

Suzie said...

Hugs, prayers and caring for all who minister to both of you.

rosylea said...

This is so sad, and you manage it so well. Thank you again for sharing with us. Thinking of you both, R

zangmo said...

Oh Roo, nothing to say but big hugs. My heart is with you. xx

Lynne said...

I too think you are a very wise and caring woman...I have a fractured family, and death happened before reconciliation, but in the end, there was a kind of comfort knowing it had been discussed and doors were trying to be opened... so these small bits do help. It is so hard for people I think.... it can be so big, and sometimes there is a huge connection to the choices they made... it is all understandable. We are all very human, even to the end.

Eirini said...

Sometimes you put into words things I felt and experienced six months ago and it is feels good that this lived past is acknowledged and aired. Thinking of you both.

velosewer said...

There's really not much you can do but do what you're doing - love each other.

Jodie said...

Roo - I check in every day as there's not much more I can do for you but bear witness. I hope that you have someone (or a group) to lean on and I admire, so much, your grace and strength. Peace to the both of you.

Louise Perry said...

He knows how much you love him.

Mapmaker said...

I am amazed by your ability to witness and track FL's process, and honored that you are willing to share so much with your readers. Your daily posts have been gripping, and my heart reminds me each time I read an update that yes, this is actually happening, in real time, while I sit here at my computer many time zones away and follow along. I think of you both very often and send kindness your way.

liza jane said...

Big hugs. Again, that all I can say. Just thinking of you.

Oriel Martins said...
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