Friday, January 15, 2016

Morpheus


Today I dedicated my knitting effort to the second sock of my Christmas Day cast on pair.

FL had a night of sickness and diarrhea and was just emerging from a clean-up operation when I arrived at the hospice this morning.

He was soon fast asleep and did not stir when his lunch was brought.  I took a break from my watch over him to get myself a coffee and while I was gone, he had to call for assistance to get to the toilet again.  Oh dear!

A little later, a physiotherapist came to see him and gave him a lesson in zimmer frame management. He was surprisingly compliant, probably because he was too tired to argue.
Shortly after that he was plumbed in to a saline drip, to try to get him rehydrated.
More sleep.

At 2.30pm he woke and was clearly in some pain.  I called the nurse, who said that he had not had any painkillers at all that day:  they are trying to clear his system of morphine as they believe it is responsible for his kidney failure.  She consulted the doctor and it was agreed to give him a Hydromorphone "breakthrough" pill.
More sleep.

At 3.30pm I decided to head home to avoid the rush hour and see to the dog before it got dark.
I woke him to say goodbye and he told me he had a new pain, somewhere below his left ribs.  I decided to tell the doctor before I left, and she came straightaway.  It was hard to know where he was pointing, as he was slumped in his chair, and the doctor decided the best idea would be to get him into bed, in case it was simply a case of cramp, caused by sleeping in an awkward position  She was awfully kind, and said she was looking forward to talking to him about his book when he was feeling a bit better.

Her main advice was to ensure he has a quiet weekend, to allow him to recover from the effects of the morphine which she thinks had built up to a toxic level.  His kidneys had not been able to cope and everything had started to go wrong as a result.

And I don't know whether that means there might be hope of recovery from this.  I don't think that kidney damage is reversible...?  It is so difficult not to grasp at straws, to think that this is all just a temporary downturn and that he will soon be back to his old self.  I suppose nobody knows for sure, not even the doctors.

25 comments:

Star speckles said...

I'm so glad the hospice are taking good care of FL, and I love the colours of your sock! Do look after yourself

xx

Twelfthknit said...

What a relief that you are not coping alone. Hope you both have a peaceful weekend :0)

Athene said...

Glad that he is getting the joined-up care that he needs and that you're getting some respite from the cleaning up. Hope that the new regime will soon settle down and lead to some improvements in FL's condition - yes, the destination is known but it's the journey there that is important now. Best wishes for a calm weekend with FL being comfortable and more 'present'.

Amphibiaknitter said...

Fingers crossed. I'm glad FL is in hospice care now. It will be easier for you both. Hang in there. I'm hoping for an uneventful (in a good way) weekend for you both.

Mog said...

Thank goodness they are focusing on improving FL's quality of life. It sounds more reassuring today. How different your post sounds, Roo. The sock colours are lovely btw! Sleep well tonight, lovely lady. X

lemon said...

How are you two is the first thing I seek to know in the morning and the last before going to bed. Plus thinking of you while cooking. How I wish that thoughts could help, even a little bit, but I know thay do not.
This that you describe these days is what noone of us all will escape from. This thought does not give you (or us) any help either :(

Ι have no words for your courage and your humour, dear Roo. Take care of you.

Jenny Larking said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynne said...

I am so happy to see he is in a hospice... I think given his condition this is the best place for him to be. I am not sure re his kidneys given the circumstances, but I am think he is in the best place for them to take care of him. You and he both are still in my prayers!

Sarahel said...

The not knowing isn't ever easy. But I'm so glad that it sounds as if FL is now being treated as a whole person, and all his needs considered. That must be something of a relief to you. Hope you get that peaceful weekend, in all senses.

Charlotte said...

Last night's sickness might be partially caused by weaning him off the opiods, fingers crossed it was an unpleasantness that leads to better quality of days for him going forward. Just having people there who knoe what the drugs *are* and how they work must be such a relief! Fingers crossed the fog lifts some, and you two get some better time together -- as Lemon noted above, you two are much on my mind these days, despite all our relations being virtual.

Emma said...

I am so glad to read that the care in the hospice is good. That they are caring and interested in FL as a whole person. I hope things settle down and that he is more present, once weaned off the opiates. I really hope that his pain is being delt with too. All so stressful for you, on so many levels. At least you know that he is clean (even if it's somewhat 'forced' on him!), which will make him feel better, safe, warm and has his medical needs taken care of. Now you can concentrate on being his partner and the person who loves him.

Knitlass said...

Sending good wishes for a quiet weekend for you both.

greenmtngirl said...

Not knowing is so hard. But kidney function isn't an on/off switch--if he is peeing at all, his kidneys are working some. My grandmother survived for years with what they later thought was probably greatly reduced kidney function, and many people get by with just one. So it might be about preserving his kidney function for now. And if they can get that and the pain regulated then you might have some quiet lucid time together. Still hoping for that for you. And very glad that he finally has appropriate, kind, compassionate medical care! Thinking of you all day long, like the others, sending friendship and love, wishing you both well.

clb said...

What the above poster said - if there are any chances at all, he's in the best place for having them, with kind and competent people focused on his care. My fingers and everything else crossable are crossed for both of you.

Brenda said...

So glad to hear that FL is getting good care and people respond when either of you ask for help. Best wishes for a smooth weekend!

Jodie said...

It seems better and less fraught today. I wish for a peaceful weekend for you both

sewalign said...

There should be a hospice chaplain if you both wish to see one. My dad and the family saw one during his last days and it brought us much spiritual comfort and peace. "May the Lord bless you and keep you, may His face shine on you, be gracious to you and give you His peace". (Numbers 6: 24-26 - the Aaronic Blessing)

Miss said...

Dear Roo, hope that with this specialist care, you and FL can spend quality time together (please forgive the cliché), that FL can get some good work in on his book, and even that Hero can make a visit or two.
Hope you have the energy to get good sleep and feed yourself some comforting food.
As the French say, courage.
Bless you, dear lady, and bless FL and Hero
xx from over the seas in Australia.

MaryinTN said...

Glad they are trying something other than morphine which is very very hard on kidneys. Also glad he went for a while without needing pain medications. Sending hugs , peaceful thoughts and praying for both of you!

rosylea said...

Glad to hear that the hospice is so caring and responsive, and that you aren't any longer coping alone. Hoping that the weekend is peaceful one with some sunny moments for both of you. Loving the sock, and admiring your productivity in the present circumstances! Look after yourself, R

Glasto63 said...

Glad to hear that you are both in such capable hands. Hope you are both able to enjoy a restful weekend. X

tim's wife said...

I am so glad you are not dealing with this all on your own. And, hopefully, he can be more present in mind without all that morphine. I didn't know it was that hard on the kidneys. And, yes, kidney function can improve sometimes if the cause of it is taken care of. Fingers crossed.

CarolS said...

Wishing you both, rest, relaxation, peace, delicious food and time for more knitting. So glad the hospice is working out so well. XXXXXXXx

Ingrid K. said...

Dear Roo ,

Wishing you both all the best!
Thinking of you,

Ingrid xx
Myfunkycrochet.blogspot.be

Jennifer Hill said...

Thinking of the both of you, Jen