Thursday, January 28, 2016

Slowing Down

I have written before that FL was "mostly sleeping".
But this is a different sort of sleep.
This is a drifting in and out of consciousness.
He breathes more slowly.  Sometimes he does not breathe at all for a few moments,before resuming where he left off.  It is not a struggle for breath, it is a peaceful slowing down.
His head is thrown back into the pillows, his mouth wide.  It was frightening at first, when I saw him this morning, but I soon got used to it.
He is no longer drinking.
The nurses moisten his lips with a swab when they change his position in bed.  It is for simple comfort, like everything now.
Sometimes he grasps my hand.
His fingers occasionally explore his woolen blanket as he sleeps.
He woke up properly just once today, as the nurses were moving him, and he saw me standing at his bedside with my knitting.  His eyes focused briefly and I saw a smile flicker across his face. Then he was asleep again.
It won't be long now.

100 comments:

sulkycat said...

Not enough words Roo, just kind thoughts.

Mags said...

Oh Roo. No words. Just so glad that he seems peaceful. Sending you loads of love. x

Laura said...

Simple comfort and a lot of love. He knows you're there and that you love him.

Much love to you too xxxx

MaryinTN said...

Oh no. Sending loving and kind thoughts.

Glasto63 said...

Thinking of you both xxx

seamedstraightforward said...

Sending you both my fervent wishes for peace and freedom from pain. I'm sure you know you are in all our thoughts, I hope it helps somehow.

Karen S said...

When my father was dying, he was unconscious the last 4 days before he passed. The nurses told us to keep talking to him because hearing is the last sense to go. Sending you hugs and loving thoughts.

Jenni said...

Thinking of you x

Sarah said...

Sending you love.

Athene said...

love and best wishes.

Nina said...

There are so few words that can bring comfort, but I do hope that you know there are many people out here, many of whom have been drawn here by your lovely, colourful writing and lovely, colourful personality, who are all thinking of you and FL at this time.

We're holding you all in our hearts.

Twelfthknit said...

Much good wishes for you both

Melissa said...

Sending you hugs.

Lynn said...

Your acceptance of where are you are is breathtakingly brave. My fervent hope for you both is an end with peace.

Jane Neave said...

Oh Roo my heart goes out to you. Sending you love and strength xxx

lilysgrannie said...

Peace to both of you.

Lucy said...

Still here, still reading, still sending you love and peace. Know that he loves you.

Katrina said...

I don't have the words, this is my third attempt to write something. Just know that the is another person who cares about you and FL. Sending you support and hugs.

Linda C said...

Think of you all everyday. We had a few things around here-so I was not reaching out to you but I read everyday where you and FL were or seemed to be. I am glad this is a peaceful day. I remember when my father was dying, as Karen said above, how the nurses told us that hearing lasted until the end and to keep talking to him and about him kindly. I am glad you all had that interchange of love today when he opened his eyes and saw you and your knitting.

A few minutes ago my friend Sara sent me an article from the Guardian- oldest house in Britain found. No hunter gatherers as was thought previously - a real house, crops, manmade tools - and they kept dogs as pets and helpers. It sounds like our house in BEAUTIFUL WRECK.

Did you study Tennyson when you were at school? There was a poem we had to learn called "Crossing the Bar." I am reminded of it when I read your post just now

vanDoor said...

I remember the slowing down from my grandfather.
Sending you lots of hugs, warmth, peace and support. My thoughts are with you

Louise Perry said...

Your are being so brave, I wish you strength. Xx

Gillian Hall said...

You both have such grace. Reaching out to you with love, prayers and constant thoughts. xxx

from103 said...

Oh Roo, I am thinking of you. Precious moments, Sx

Emma said...

Sending love and wishes for peace to you and your FL.

Redhedhels said...

Sending hugs and thoughts. You both have shown, and continue to show, such strength.

Alex Kiernan said...

Thinking of you both

Alex Kiernan said...

Thinking of you both

Susan said...

Like so many others I am struggling for the right words to say, but my thoughts are with you. Love and peace to you both.

Sadie said...

Love and all good wishes to you both xx

TempestKnits said...

Dear Ruth. Sending love and comfort to you, you are so brave. And sending peace to your beloved FL. Yours is an incredible love.

Saffi said...

Wishing you both peace.

Maeve said...

Thinking of you..

Saffi said...

Wishing you both peace.

RooKnits said...

Thinking of you Roo. I am so glad FL seems peaceful. Sending much love x

RooKnits said...

Thinking of you Roo. I am so glad FL seems peaceful. Sending much love x

Alison said...

Thinking of you both. A x

Helen // Grosgrain Green said...

Thinking of you both. X

Knitlass said...

Sending you both warm wishes for peace and love. From one corner of Scotland to another.

clb said...

Glad you got that smile. And he's not in pain. Take care of yourself xxx

Marie said...

Sending you strength, you brave and wonderful woman!xx

Mad about Craft said...

xxxx

Sabs said...

You are really strong Roo. Hope the time you spend with FL is peaceful. Sending love xxx

5arahel said...

Echoing wishes for peace, and holding you in my thoughts.

Mairead Hardy said...

Thinking of you both and sending love xx

Jen Rouse said...

Ruth, longtime lurker here, I've loved your blog for years. Am so sad to come back and find FL so ill. Sending great strength and love and adding my voice to the many others supporting you. xxx

weegie wummin said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Carmen Bouchard said...

You and FL are very strong and courageous and an example of dignity. I'm sending love.

Mog said...

Hi Roo, we're right here with you. Sending love. Xxxxx

Kristine said...

I'm another long time reader but non-commentor. Just had to let you know that there's yet another person out there thinking of you both. Wishing FL and you peace and closeness ovér the coming hours and days.

Karen Venables said...

Thinking of you both and sending hugs and love.

Adele Terrill said...

Oh honey, there are no words but you have a few of my tears today x

Star speckles said...

Thinking of you xx

Jenny Larking said...

He is no longer in pain and is sinking slowly into his final sleep which really is a good way to go. Much love to you.

Lynne said...

Warm hugs... prayers... Poor FL, he has fought a long and good fight and from what I can tell has had a lot of love and joy in his time with you...Lots of warm hugs and lots of prayers.

sewstyled said...

Have joy that you can be with FL in his final days and bring him comfort and peace in what you are doing for him and just by your presence.

poppyinstitches said...

thinking of you, much love x

ambermog said...

Sending love and strength for you and a peaceful pain free passing for FL. Xx

colleen said...

The comfort of wool,eh? Hope the coming hours are peaceful for you both.

Jan Hicks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ruth West said...

It's not much but it's all I can offer- thinking of you both, willing you strength to carry on being beside FL, and much love.

amajorbreak said...

Sending you both lots of love, you are always in my thoughts xxx

Janine said...

I attended a palliative care talk where they discussed a study done that shows that even though the patient's conscious state is reduced they are still aware ( the studies were done with the patient's consent when they were still able )so this led to a major epiphany for me. So if you want to still talk to him and touch him because he will be aware of this even if he can not communicate this to you. Lots of Love Janine.

Andrea said...

I check eveyday to see how you and your FL are going. You write so well and it brings back such strong memories of my Dad dying. It sounds close now, i hope it is as peaceful as can be. You are in my thoughts.

Sew little time said...

Thinking of you both roo. I echo what others have said to keep talkong to him. My dad died in the US just over a year ago and my brother and i spoke to him on the phone. Although he couldnt speak he seemed to be able to hear us and take comfort from that. Lots of love. X

Sew little time said...

Thinking of you both roo. I echo what others have said to keep talkong to him. My dad died in the US just over a year ago and my brother and i spoke to him on the phone. Although he couldnt speak he seemed to be able to hear us and take comfort from that. Lots of love. X

lorna brown said...

Thinking of you both. Xx

Siga said...

We are here for you. Hugs.

Siga said...

We are here for you. Hugs.

Witchknit said...

I too check in every day to see how you are doing. I wish you peace. God Bless you and FL.

Carmel said...

Peace and love to you both.

velosewer said...

His love for you is always there.

Miss said...

Thinking of you and FL and Hero.
xx

Susan said...

Thinking of you and sending peace and strength.

coyotewoman said...

Thinking of you and your FL as I reread Anne Bradstreet's
"To My Dear And Loving Husband". Hugs

Rachel said...

Hope these last days can remain filled with peace for both of you.

Jodie said...

Wishing you strength, Roo.

Charlotte said...

Oh heartbreak. As it must be, but still, heartbreak.

Sigrid said...

Wishing you both peace and comfort. He is certainly aware sometimes of your presence. But sometimes dying is also a solitary act that requires some privacy. Your FL skins like a very proud man and you are walking the line so respectfully. Take care.

Sigrid said...

Sounds not skins.

Jessica Walker said...

Sending you both my warmest thoughts as always. XO

christina neumann said...

Peace to you and FL. I think it's wonderful you being there for him. When my time comes, I can only hope for the kind of love you have given. I hope it's soon now so he may be at peace.

Mary in Mo said...

I admire your strength and courage. I hope as my first love and I travel the road you are now on that I will have as much grace. Thank you for having the courage to share such a personal time in your lives.
All my best wishes for a peaceful transition.

jessica said...

Much love to you both. The strength and depth of your connection has vibrated through all your posts, all the more so in this one.

wendy said...

Sending you strength and love.

zangmo said...

Keep speaking to him as I have been told that he will still be able to hear you.... I think someone else has said that in comments above. I did the same with my dad right to the end. Do you have someone you can go to for a hug? I am concerned that you are by yourself. I know that you have all of us online, however there is nothing better than a hug from a good friend. Once again if there is anything I can do give me a shout. Sus xx

karen ball said...

Sending you love.

Mary said...

Thinking of you both. Mary

Violet said...

Thinking of you both. As other commenters have noted, even if he seems to not be present, he can still hear you and your presence will be a comfort to him.

Cazz said...

((Hugs))

deborah said...

My thoughts are with you and I send you love x

Jen said...

Roo, sending you both hugs and love. xxx

Minigranny said...

Thinking of you Xx

CarolS said...

Hugs from me too

Mapmaker said...

Thank you for sharing this very intimate time in your journey with FL. Wishing you both peace and grace as things continue.

Susie Hewer said...

May the end come gently and peacefully Roo. No words left. Much love, Susie xxx

blue hands said...

Sending you love and peace xx

Shar said...

I wish FL a peaceful journey and you a peaceful heart. xx

paisleyapron said...

Tearfully praying for you and FL today. Hugs, support, peace.

Alimak said...

Warmest wishes to you both.

Mela R. said...

My dad was in a hospice in August. I can relate to FL's journey. I can picture my Papi talking one day and barely conscious the next. It was very jarring but almost a relief because he didn't seem to be in pain anymore.

Thinking of you both.